Email Updates

Like I mentioned previously, if you are reading this then you probably have a good idea on how to use a computer. Email updates are a great way to keep your daughter’s name in front of coaches. You have to be the judge if you want her to be responsible for sending out the updates. In my case, when my daughter was younger, I would send out the updates for her, but as she got older and really narrowed down her schools, she was able to accept the responsibility of updating her favorite schools.

You will want to start an email account for your daughter with the same common sense that you would for yourself if you were looking for a job – common sense and discretion is key because if your daughter is sending them emails from an account like hotchick4u@yourmail.com, I’m sure it’s not going to leave a good impression in the coach’s mind. Most email domains are free now so you can probably be pretty creative or just simple (firstname_lastname@yourmail.com) . Once you have established the account you can begin adding coaches email addresses. I set up distribution lists for each of the schools so she could update all the coaches for that school in 1 email. For mass updates (tournaments, showcases) she would blind copy (BCC) the coaches if she was targeting a lot of schools in that area.

Now there are some things that are EXTREMELY important. Your daughter is trying to make a good impression so things like capitalization, punctuation, spelling and grammar are important. Utilize the spell check feature and proofread it before it is sent. Using internet slang (ur, omg, lol, w/e) are no-no’s – at least until a relationship has been established and rapport has been built. Even then, I discouraged it with my daughter – in my opinion she was interviewing for a job and I preferred she remain as “professional” as possible.

Some sample emails
Tournament Notice:
Hi Coach,
I just wanted to let you know that I will be at ABC tournament July 6-7.
We are playing
July 6 on Court 1 @ 2pm against XYZ Team
July 7 on Court 4 @ 9am against MNO Team
July 7 on Court 2 @ 11:30am against DEF Team
Our team colors are blue & gold – I will be wearing jersey #23.
Hope you can make it!

Periodic Update:
Hey Coach Mary!
I wanted to let you know what has been going on. I just finished my first semester and I did really well. I made the honor roll and did great on all my finals. Our team is 5-2 now. I scored 16 points the other night. I led the team in steals and we beat the top team in the conference by 7 points! We are starting to come together as a team and my coach is cool!
My schedule for the next few weeks is…
Hope you can make it!

Showcase Notice:
Dear Coach
My name is …. I just wanted to let you know that I will be attending the ABC Showcase in Anytown, VA and was hoping you could come to watch me play. I was checking out the schools in that area and think that your school may be a good fit for me. I go to…High School. I play for … AAU team.
Hope you can make it!
Sincerely,

So, you can see where I am going with this. Sometimes I would have her include a goofy picture of her doing something other than basketball or a candid headshot – so they could see her outside of a uniform. Of course, you will be creative and accommodate your daughter’s personality. It’s probably important to help her out the first few times to make sure she understands the importance of getting her name in front of these coaches.

Some things that will come up… After April or May, you are probably going to have to update the email address book. A lot of coaches change jobs, move on to other positions. It will take some homework on your part to make sure you have the most recent and updated email accounts in your address book.

I even set up distribution lists based on region. My daughter played a national schedule and if she had a tournament in the Northeast, I had all of the coaches grouped that way as well. If she played in the South, there were distribution lists for that region too.

If she went to tournaments in areas that we hadn’t spoken to any colleges and letters showed up in the mailbox shortly after, I would do some research and add them in to the email address book to keep them updated. You never know which school could be “the one” and we never ignored anyone. We entertained all “D’s” and she kept relationships with them throughout the entire process.

Emailing is a no-cost way for your daughter’s name to remain in front of coaches. It is probably 1 of the easiest ways for your daughter to begin a relationship too.

Your Behavior

“SHOOT THE BALL!!!”, “HEY REF, I THINK YOUR BREAK IS OVER AT FOOTLOCKER”, “GET HER BACK, (your daughter’s name)! DON’T LET HER DO THAT TO YOU!!!”. These are all indicator’s that you have definitely missed your calling in sportsmanship. Being a fan is sometimes a thin line between fan & fanatic. If your daughter is playing her heart out but is getting the ball stolen from her, continuously turns the ball over, can’t catch a pass… that may be an indicator that she is being “exposed”. Everyone knows that your darling angel is the apple of your eye and cannot do wrong, but if she is being exposed, you are actually doing your daughter more harm than good, having fits on the sideline. Your performance due to her inability to make an accurate pass or misinterpreting the defense is drawing more attention to the fact that she may not be having her best basketball game or maybe that you expect more from her than she is capable of delivering.

I can speak from experience on this (and I could give you example after example of how not to act). I have 2 older sons that played football. I was louder than the coach on the field. They played to please me and would get an earful after the game if they didn’t execute one of my directives from the stands. I know I missed my calling as a man/NFL Player… but being the proud mother that I am, it was up to me to make sure they performed perfect every time they stepped on the field. They represented me and needed to make me proud. I bordered on fanatic on many occasions, I recall cursing the coach, the refs, the other team – anyone that didn’t agree with me. I told you that to tell you this. Hindsight is 20/20 (Who thought of that cliché?). I did, however, learn from my performances. I am happy to say that my sons are fine. I didn’t do too much damage – they both have families and will probably do the same things to their sons – until they learn, how not to act, like I did.

I was very fortunate to have an ex-D1 college coach, coach my daughter in HS. She told me stories when she was out recruiting how she would try to locate the unruly parent and match him/her to the girl on the court, so they could cross that girl off the list. She also told me that she would get to the games early and watch after it was over to see which girls talked to their parents instead of warming up and which ones went to their parents before hearing the after the game speech. What does this mean? The recruiting starts way before tip-off and doesn’t end when you leave the gym. She also mentioned that she would pay attention to the parents that would go right to the coach as soon as the game was finished (You know, the parent that needs the immediate break-down of their daughter’s performance).

Am I telling you not to cheer? Am I telling you not to tend to your daughter? Am I telling you to not get excited when your team is on the floor? Absolutely not! If you are going to cheer – say good things “Nice shot!”, “Good Pass”. “Good Defense”– even whistle and clap when your team makes a basket. If your daughter gets injured, I’m not telling you to sit there and not find out what’s going on.

If you’re screaming “FOUL!!”  or berating the ref, it is not helping your team. The college coaches in attendance are watching the same game you are – if the refs are bad, they are watching your daughter's team (and you) to see how everyone reacts to the controversy. Your “bad ref tirades” are more often than not, going to make the situation worse for your team anyway – so just encourage your girls or say nothing. Besides that – at these showcase events, most coaches are not even paying attention to the score – they have their eye on so many different things…

The bottom line is, you are being recruited too, so use discretion. These coaches have a keen eye for the little things and if you are a problem parent at a HS or AAU game, they definitely don’t want to have to deal with YOU for 4 years!

This also goes back to Know Yourself. If you know that sitting with the opposing team’s fans is going to touch a nerve – find another place to sit. If you know that certain parents may bring unwanted attention to the section you are sitting in – say hello, share some small talk – then move.

Just to remind you again, this is an investment!

Her Behavior

You never know who is watching… is the best way for me to start this topic.

It is very important to know - if your daughter is pursuing a free (or cheap) college education that she is trying to attain through her athletic ability to keep the following in mind: There are 3 “A’s” to getting to the next level. The higher the combination of “A’s”, the higher the level she will receive consideration for a scholarship.

Athleticism and Academics are the given… Attitude is just as important. If a college coach is watching a game and sees your daughter getting up from a pile and she kicks another girl in the head, steps on someone’s fingers, intentionally bumps into the opposing players – that is a humongous red flag! She might as well wear a t-shirt that says, “I have a nasty attitude!” I have seen a lot of dirty players over the years. Honestly, there is no need for it. Being competitive and having a nasty attitude are not the same thing. If your daughter is behaving poorly to the refs, her coaches, her teammates or the other team – you are doing her a disservice by allowing it to continue (plus, you’re probably wasting a lot of time & money sitting in gyms every weekend).

Let me give you a few different scenarios that are red flags to college coaches. If your daughter gets subbed out and fails to shake her teammates hands, or doesn’t tell her replacement who she needs to guard, or kicks chairs, or throws things, or sits away from the team (and I could go on and on)… these coaches are watching what she is doing and taking notes! If she argues with the refs, argues with her coaches, talks to people in the stands… I’ve heard first hand from college coaches, girls that were top recruits getting passed over because they lacked that last “A” (attitude). AND!... these coaches are talking! It is a very small community and a lot of them are very good friends. If your daughter has a bad attitude, it spreads like disease and they all know it. (I came from a relatively small area - even the refs knew the problem players).

Things to remind her:
Be a good teammate. Being the boss is different from being the leader – some girls don’t understand that.
Be coachable. She should respond positively to directives from the coach & coming out of the huddle.
Play hard. All the time.
Be a good sport. If she knocks someone down (even from the opposing team), help them up if it’s not disrupting play.
Cheer from the bench. Being a good teammate doesn’t just mean making the perfect pass – encouraging her team while she sits on the bench is a good indicator for the coach that she is a part of the effort.
Have fun. That’s the reason it all got started in the first place, isn’t it?

You may have to revisit some stuff (especially dependent on the age group), but if you encourage positive behavior and remind her that poor behavior could take away from her future; the benefits she reaps from the “little things” is a big part of the picture.

Step 3: Marketing your daughter

I went to a seminar on “Sending your child to college at little or no cost to you”. It was offered by the softball coach at our high school who runs a state ranked program and whom has also sent many girls to college – for “free”. He expressed that if your child has an ounce of athletic ability and is decent in their sport – you can find a school that is willing to extend “a financial package” so your child can play. It is helpful to have good grades, community involvement, play at least 2 sports, and be involved in activities run by the school. College coaches are looking for student-athletes that can handle a diverse load of responsibilities – well. What is most important and what he emphasized – college coaches do not want to hear from parents! Somewhere along the way, some parent messed it up for the rest of us and told a college coach how wonderful, great, hard-working, incredibly amazing their child was and their child turned out to be a dud, ruining the credibility for the rest of us parents!

The things you can control: Her behavior, your behavior, AAU Tournaments, Showcases and Exposure camps, Emails, and online profiles. These are all marketing tools that in some cases are free or very low cost. I will give an overview of how to use each tool and then go into deeper detail later.

Her behavior:
I tell my daughter all the time – “You never know who is watching”. It is so important – especially at showcase events, camps and AAU tournaments that she conduct herself in a respectable manner. She should not be looking at you during the game, coming over to you during breaks and half-time (unless there is an extenuating circumstance – like an injury), talking to the crowd, cutting looks at the ref and arguing calls, arguing with the coach or her teammates. These are big RED FLAGS to college scouts. Along with her skill level, they are watching how she interacts with her teammates, how she responds to directives from the coach, if she knocks a girl down due to a foul – does she help the girl up. Coaches are looking for competitors – not angry girls with attitudes. Your daughter has to appear coach-able. If a coach has 2 girls: Girl A has incredible talent, but argues with the refs and kicks the chair when she gets subbed; Girl B has a little less talent, listens to the coach and cheers for her team when she is not in the game… They are going with Girl B. The pool is too deep to tolerate poor behavior and attitude.

Your behavior:
I will go into more detail with this – as it deserves its own chapter, but as far as marketing your daughter – you are being recruited too. Not only are the college coaches watching your daughter’s skills and behavior – they are trying to match the loud unruly parent that has something to say about every call and yelling “shoot the ball”, to the kid on the court. Don’t sabotage your daughter’s recruitment because you can not contain your competitive spirit and missed your calling to play in the pros. You are there for support! If you must yell – yell encouragement, “nice pass”, “good shot”, “great defense”. Do not clap because the other team made a mistake – you want to be a good sport and although your team may be struggling, it’s not always the ref’s fault.

AAU Tournaments:
AAU tournaments are a great recruiting tool. The NCAA has strict regulations as to how many days the different “D’s” can view and when they can recruit your daughter. I hear parents of 8th graders saying “my daughter is being recruited by XYZ College” – the truth is - they are not being recruited. Unless your daughter is 6’7” and dunking the basketball (in the 8th grade), colleges may be showing interest – but they are also interested in 150 other girls in your daughter’s age group. It’s flattering and exciting when the letters start coming and is a good gauge for you to know where you should be pointing your marketing strategy, but if you get a letter from Penn State and they say they saw your daughter play at ABC Tournament and think she has the potential to cut down nets with them – it is up to you to keep your daughter in their vision. They can’t talk to her until September 1st of her Junior Year. Don’t wait until August 31st to update them with your daughter’s progress.

Showcases and Exposure Camps:
Can you say “meat market”? Let me give you the scenario – It is 7am on any given Saturday. You are standing in a line with your daughter and 149 girls ahead of you waiting to sign in and get a jersey with a 3 digit number on the back. There are parents armed with portable chairs and girls in ankle braces, sizing each other up. A good turn out is about 1 college coach to every 25 girls. Until you have a following or have gotten some contact from some college coaches – it is best to hold off on these events. If you decide to go… make sure you send emails to about 50 college coaches in that immediate region letting them know you will be attending (we’ll cover more about that in the email section). More often than not – the college coaches in attendance will take the list of attendees, set up a mail merge and mass mail a profile letter to the attendees.

Email Updates:
If you are reading this, then you probably know how to use your computer. Emailing college coaches is a no-cost way for you to get them seeing your daughter’s name. Set up an email account in your daughter’s name – used only for recruiting. Start collecting coach’s email addresses (preferably the recruiting coach) and adding them to the email address book. Making college coaches aware of tournament dates and showcase events that your daughter will be attending is your way of controlling the notification to the coach. If you think that your AAU coach or HS coach is emailing every college coach in your daughter’s dream school list – you are dreaming.

Online Profiles:
A lot of schools now have “Prospective Athlete Profiles” online. I wouldn’t suggest consuming your entire day with filling one out for every school in the US, but if you have a feel for what your daughter wants to major in or what region of the country she is planning on attending college – you can go to the school’s athletic website – for the women’s basketball program and see if they have a link to submit an online profile. Some schools use a *.PDF file and you can print it out, fill in the information and send it to the coach’s attention.

Game Tapes:
A great way to get in front of a coach is to send them some game film. They want to see some highlights - but they want to see how your daughter does in a game situation as well. This is especially helpful if your daughter is targeting a geographical area and it isn't logistically feasible for a recruiter to make the trip. (Example: Your daughter wants to go to school in Cali, but you're not going to any tournaments out that way).

Step 2: Knowing your daughter

“I have my daughter playing on 2 AAU teams, she plays city league, CYO and for the local boys & girls club, and she’s 9”, “We have to run, after this tournament today we are going to her softball game then tomorrow morning she has a soccer game”, “Well, I have to check her schedule – she is going to a showcase tournament for a game with her AAU team, from there – we are going to a exposure camp 300 miles away for her to play for 2 games”… I have heard this – just sitting in the bleachers. These are some of the conversations parents are having amongst each other and do not even realize they are putting their kids on structure overload! I have heard of spending time together – but what happened to going to the beach or sleeping in on a Sunday and waking up and making a nice big breakfast?

In our pursuit to be better than “The Joneses”… we have occupied so much of our time “exposing” our kids that they really don’t have any time to do nothing. Yes, nothing!! Just as much as you plan for your daughter to participate in all these leagues and camps, make sure she has time to be a kid. Some of these girls are getting to college and don’t know how to PLAY basketball. Worse than that – it’s not even FUN! They have been instructed for SO long on where to be, how to move, footwork, etc – they forget that in the beginning – it used to be fun!

I did not allow my daughter to play AAU before she was in the 9th grade. She played in the local leagues with the boys (great for speed, toughness), pick up in the park with her older brothers (or me) or down at the Y during Christmas break – for fun. She went to some local college camps for skills, shooting, and position (great way to meet the head coach!) and developed HER desire to get better and want more. She tried soccer and softball – but realized she LOVES basketball.

I am in no way telling you to withdraw your child from any competition, team, or sport but please realize we are currently raising a generation of mannequins that whatever pose we put them in is how they are approaching life. A lot of our daughters are losing the ability to think and act on their own for the sake of being told what to do all the time. It’s bad enough they are in school, not to learn, but how to take and pass a test. Don’t set the stage for them not to be able to make a decision, not be an individual, or have the ability to say no.

In saying all of that… know your daughter. Recognize the signs of burnout, overload and stress. Know what makes her happy. Know if she is playing to make you happy or because she has the will and determination (in herself) to get on the court – even if you aren’t there. Is she competing for personal accomplishment? Is she competing for your approval? Ask her and evaluate the reasons she allows you to commit her to everything that has a registration card and schedule involved.

When my daughter was in the 5th grade, she wanted to dance, cheerlead, play soccer, basketball, softball, lacrosse, sing in the choir, play an instrument and then got the brainstorm to do acting in commercials. I asked her – with what money and what time? If they are the one proposing all the activities to you – have a backbone and make them choose. It is nice to have life experiences and as much as we would like to believe “the world is your oyster”, there are only so many hours in the day. Plus you are teaching them to live within their means and especially for women who have a tendency to spread themselves too thin – leading to all kind of issues (which is way beyond my realm to discuss), but I’m sure if you are a woman, you can appreciate where I am going with that.

Once she gets past the 9th grade, what is her interest level in going to college? What type of school does she want to go to? How much of her personal time is she willing to commit to a team? How are her grades? Does she want to go away for school? You don’t necessarily have to have the answers to all these questions but after her 9th grade summer she should begin getting feedback from some colleges if she is on the AAU circuit. Also, she will see that some work has to be put in and may still be interested in other things. Once she gets past the 10th grade, it should be apparent what her competition level is where the more serious interest is coming from. By the end of her 11th grade – you will be narrowing it down to a few choices so she can go on visits for her senior year.

Don’t rose color her skills. Find someone with a keen eye for the game (not related to you) who can give your daughter input on her skills and weaknesses. Things she can improve on and what she all ready brings to the court. And YOU cannot critique her game! You can have 5 minutes of discussion about the game, but leave the real analysis to your trusted circle (her coach or trainer). Remember – you are there to cheer and encourage!

As much as you know yourself – you have to know your daughter. It must be her dreams, it must be her goals. As a parent you are there to guide and monitor – not direct and control.

Step 1: Identifying yourself

My unpaid profession:
I’m a parent. I have no book or answers to parenting. It is one of the hardest jobs but the most rewarding career I could have chosen. After 4 kids, a lot of disappointments, a multitude of trophies and accomplishments, and years of tears and laughter – I consciously try not to equate my children’s success as my accomplishment, but being a proud parent, internally it is my barometer as to how much I have put in. Not that we should, but as parents we identify our own success through our children. How well they do is how well we’ve done. I cannot take any of the claims to their success, but find myself taking all the blame if they fail. If you’re a parent you know what it is to feel your children’s pain and take pride in their accomplishments.

My paid profession:
I am a headhunter. I recruit for a living. I take staffing to a new level. I find the untouchables in management and match them to a company that needs an impact player to improve their team and get to the next level. A complete parallel to what college coaches do. They have a job and need to get it filled. They try to find “the one” that is going to help build their empire and help them achieve their goals. They work off of a job description and try to find the most qualified candidate to advance their cause.

How my professions come together:
From a business perspective, as a manager and recruiter, college coaches are business professionals. They use key words and terms to attract you and try to paint a picture of how wonderful their world is. They will flatter you, tell you what you want to hear, and do what it takes to get you – if they want you. As a parent, I only want to hear how wonderful my daughter is. They will find out my hot buttons and dwell on it just like a used car salesman trying to sell me the lime green caddy. Having the knowledge of my emotional attachment and one-sidedness – I have surrounded my daughter with a support system that gives her what she needs for success. She can count on me for support – a ride to practices and games, to buy her a drink, help fundraise, I do not put her coach or her teammates down, and I do not yell at the refs. From her basketball support system – she has people that I trust – people that have been to where she is trying to go. They give her different perspective and opinion, build her court confidence, strengthen her skillsets, correct her faults, and teach her the game of basketball. I do not allow my daughter to associate with people with personal agendas – there are a lot of sharks out there, my daughter will not be used as bait.

Recognizing who I am keeps the recruiting process in perspective. Knowing my own strengths and weaknesses allows for reason and evaluation – not impulsive and uninformed.

Introduction

So, your daughter loves basketball. She has the desire to play ball in college. As a parent, you HOPE that she gets enough exposure and earns the big trophy – a scholarship.

Well let’s take a journey down the trophy highway. Endless hours in gyms, hundreds of miles driving, staying in hotels almost every weekend – countless dollars!! We do this to HOPE? I can’t put my time and money on HOPE… if that were the case, I would just keep her home on the weekends, play in local leagues, save my money and just pay for college. I will admit, all of this is an investment and some investments are risky – but just as you manage your portfolio, you have to manage your basketball investment.

Whether your daughter has the talent and energy to play at a D1 school or would just like to play ball for the competition at a D3 school, it all starts with YOUR DAUGHTER. It has to be what she wants. Any team she plays for, any camp or showcase she goes to or how much time she spends practicing is ultimately up to her. If you are making her do these things (I’m not talking about nudging the lazy factor) or she feels like she is in an endless pursuit of pleasing you (daddy’s little girl) – she will get sick of it and eventually get basketball burnout.

There is money for everyone. How it is structured depends on the “D” level. Some schools call it financial packages, some call it scholarships, and some call it “aid”. I have taken advantage of college awareness programs, read all types of scholarship literature, and have listened to war stories of parents that have all ready been down the road. I have put this together to save you some aggravation and hard knocks and better channel your energy to get your daughter the recognition of college coaches. I am not promising that Geno, Pat or Brenda are going to knock down your door – I am sharing with you how to market your product (daughter) and give her the best chance of doing what she loves (and what you love watching her do) at the next level.

I know most wish & hope for their child to play Division 1 basketball. I just wanted to revisit the fact that all girls will probably not go D1, even if they do have D1 talent. There are so many circumstances to being a "good fit"... this information that I have been sharing can be used for any level player; for any level school.

I do agree, D1 talent will be found... but, there is "money" out there for everyone, regardless of "the D"... it's up to you to find it. Some will stumble on the "pot of gold", but some effort on your part has to be put into the equation for the journey to work.