“I have my daughter playing on 2 AAU teams, she plays city league, CYO and for the local boys & girls club, and she’s 9”, “We have to run, after this tournament today we are going to her softball game then tomorrow morning she has a soccer game”, “Well, I have to check her schedule – she is going to a showcase tournament for a game with her AAU team, from there – we are going to a exposure camp 300 miles away for her to play for 2 games”… I have heard this – just sitting in the bleachers. These are some of the conversations parents are having amongst each other and do not even realize they are putting their kids on structure overload! I have heard of spending time together – but what happened to going to the beach or sleeping in on a Sunday and waking up and making a nice big breakfast?
In our pursuit to be better than “The Joneses”… we have occupied so much of our time “exposing” our kids that they really don’t have any time to do nothing. Yes, nothing!! Just as much as you plan for your daughter to participate in all these leagues and camps, make sure she has time to be a kid. Some of these girls are getting to college and don’t know how to PLAY basketball. Worse than that – it’s not even FUN! They have been instructed for SO long on where to be, how to move, footwork, etc – they forget that in the beginning – it used to be fun!
I did not allow my daughter to play AAU before she was in the 9th grade. She played in the local leagues with the boys (great for speed, toughness), pick up in the park with her older brothers (or me) or down at the Y during Christmas break – for fun. She went to some local college camps for skills, shooting, and position (great way to meet the head coach!) and developed HER desire to get better and want more. She tried soccer and softball – but realized she LOVES basketball.
I am in no way telling you to withdraw your child from any competition, team, or sport but please realize we are currently raising a generation of mannequins that whatever pose we put them in is how they are approaching life. A lot of our daughters are losing the ability to think and act on their own for the sake of being told what to do all the time. It’s bad enough they are in school, not to learn, but how to take and pass a test. Don’t set the stage for them not to be able to make a decision, not be an individual, or have the ability to say no.
In saying all of that… know your daughter. Recognize the signs of burnout, overload and stress. Know what makes her happy. Know if she is playing to make you happy or because she has the will and determination (in herself) to get on the court – even if you aren’t there. Is she competing for personal accomplishment? Is she competing for your approval? Ask her and evaluate the reasons she allows you to commit her to everything that has a registration card and schedule involved.
When my daughter was in the 5th grade, she wanted to dance, cheerlead, play soccer, basketball, softball, lacrosse, sing in the choir, play an instrument and then got the brainstorm to do acting in commercials. I asked her – with what money and what time? If they are the one proposing all the activities to you – have a backbone and make them choose. It is nice to have life experiences and as much as we would like to believe “the world is your oyster”, there are only so many hours in the day. Plus you are teaching them to live within their means and especially for women who have a tendency to spread themselves too thin – leading to all kind of issues (which is way beyond my realm to discuss), but I’m sure if you are a woman, you can appreciate where I am going with that.
Once she gets past the 9th grade, what is her interest level in going to college? What type of school does she want to go to? How much of her personal time is she willing to commit to a team? How are her grades? Does she want to go away for school? You don’t necessarily have to have the answers to all these questions but after her 9th grade summer she should begin getting feedback from some colleges if she is on the AAU circuit. Also, she will see that some work has to be put in and may still be interested in other things. Once she gets past the 10th grade, it should be apparent what her competition level is where the more serious interest is coming from. By the end of her 11th grade – you will be narrowing it down to a few choices so she can go on visits for her senior year.
Don’t rose color her skills. Find someone with a keen eye for the game (not related to you) who can give your daughter input on her skills and weaknesses. Things she can improve on and what she all ready brings to the court. And YOU cannot critique her game! You can have 5 minutes of discussion about the game, but leave the real analysis to your trusted circle (her coach or trainer). Remember – you are there to cheer and encourage!
As much as you know yourself – you have to know your daughter. It must be her dreams, it must be her goals. As a parent you are there to guide and monitor – not direct and control.
In our pursuit to be better than “The Joneses”… we have occupied so much of our time “exposing” our kids that they really don’t have any time to do nothing. Yes, nothing!! Just as much as you plan for your daughter to participate in all these leagues and camps, make sure she has time to be a kid. Some of these girls are getting to college and don’t know how to PLAY basketball. Worse than that – it’s not even FUN! They have been instructed for SO long on where to be, how to move, footwork, etc – they forget that in the beginning – it used to be fun!
I did not allow my daughter to play AAU before she was in the 9th grade. She played in the local leagues with the boys (great for speed, toughness), pick up in the park with her older brothers (or me) or down at the Y during Christmas break – for fun. She went to some local college camps for skills, shooting, and position (great way to meet the head coach!) and developed HER desire to get better and want more. She tried soccer and softball – but realized she LOVES basketball.
I am in no way telling you to withdraw your child from any competition, team, or sport but please realize we are currently raising a generation of mannequins that whatever pose we put them in is how they are approaching life. A lot of our daughters are losing the ability to think and act on their own for the sake of being told what to do all the time. It’s bad enough they are in school, not to learn, but how to take and pass a test. Don’t set the stage for them not to be able to make a decision, not be an individual, or have the ability to say no.
In saying all of that… know your daughter. Recognize the signs of burnout, overload and stress. Know what makes her happy. Know if she is playing to make you happy or because she has the will and determination (in herself) to get on the court – even if you aren’t there. Is she competing for personal accomplishment? Is she competing for your approval? Ask her and evaluate the reasons she allows you to commit her to everything that has a registration card and schedule involved.
When my daughter was in the 5th grade, she wanted to dance, cheerlead, play soccer, basketball, softball, lacrosse, sing in the choir, play an instrument and then got the brainstorm to do acting in commercials. I asked her – with what money and what time? If they are the one proposing all the activities to you – have a backbone and make them choose. It is nice to have life experiences and as much as we would like to believe “the world is your oyster”, there are only so many hours in the day. Plus you are teaching them to live within their means and especially for women who have a tendency to spread themselves too thin – leading to all kind of issues (which is way beyond my realm to discuss), but I’m sure if you are a woman, you can appreciate where I am going with that.
Once she gets past the 9th grade, what is her interest level in going to college? What type of school does she want to go to? How much of her personal time is she willing to commit to a team? How are her grades? Does she want to go away for school? You don’t necessarily have to have the answers to all these questions but after her 9th grade summer she should begin getting feedback from some colleges if she is on the AAU circuit. Also, she will see that some work has to be put in and may still be interested in other things. Once she gets past the 10th grade, it should be apparent what her competition level is where the more serious interest is coming from. By the end of her 11th grade – you will be narrowing it down to a few choices so she can go on visits for her senior year.
Don’t rose color her skills. Find someone with a keen eye for the game (not related to you) who can give your daughter input on her skills and weaknesses. Things she can improve on and what she all ready brings to the court. And YOU cannot critique her game! You can have 5 minutes of discussion about the game, but leave the real analysis to your trusted circle (her coach or trainer). Remember – you are there to cheer and encourage!
As much as you know yourself – you have to know your daughter. It must be her dreams, it must be her goals. As a parent you are there to guide and monitor – not direct and control.
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