“SHOOT THE BALL!!!”, “HEY REF, I THINK YOUR BREAK IS OVER AT FOOTLOCKER”, “GET HER BACK, (your daughter’s name)! DON’T LET HER DO THAT TO YOU!!!”. These are all indicator’s that you have definitely missed your calling in sportsmanship. Being a fan is sometimes a thin line between fan & fanatic. If your daughter is playing her heart out but is getting the ball stolen from her, continuously turns the ball over, can’t catch a pass… that may be an indicator that she is being “exposed”. Everyone knows that your darling angel is the apple of your eye and cannot do wrong, but if she is being exposed, you are actually doing your daughter more harm than good, having fits on the sideline. Your performance due to her inability to make an accurate pass or misinterpreting the defense is drawing more attention to the fact that she may not be having her best basketball game or maybe that you expect more from her than she is capable of delivering.
I can speak from experience on this (and I could give you example after example of how not to act). I have 2 older sons that played football. I was louder than the coach on the field. They played to please me and would get an earful after the game if they didn’t execute one of my directives from the stands. I know I missed my calling as a man/NFL Player… but being the proud mother that I am, it was up to me to make sure they performed perfect every time they stepped on the field. They represented me and needed to make me proud. I bordered on fanatic on many occasions, I recall cursing the coach, the refs, the other team – anyone that didn’t agree with me. I told you that to tell you this. Hindsight is 20/20 (Who thought of that cliché?). I did, however, learn from my performances. I am happy to say that my sons are fine. I didn’t do too much damage – they both have families and will probably do the same things to their sons – until they learn, how not to act, like I did.
I was very fortunate to have an ex-D1 college coach, coach my daughter in HS. She told me stories when she was out recruiting how she would try to locate the unruly parent and match him/her to the girl on the court, so they could cross that girl off the list. She also told me that she would get to the games early and watch after it was over to see which girls talked to their parents instead of warming up and which ones went to their parents before hearing the after the game speech. What does this mean? The recruiting starts way before tip-off and doesn’t end when you leave the gym. She also mentioned that she would pay attention to the parents that would go right to the coach as soon as the game was finished (You know, the parent that needs the immediate break-down of their daughter’s performance).
Am I telling you not to cheer? Am I telling you not to tend to your daughter? Am I telling you to not get excited when your team is on the floor? Absolutely not! If you are going to cheer – say good things “Nice shot!”, “Good Pass”. “Good Defense”– even whistle and clap when your team makes a basket. If your daughter gets injured, I’m not telling you to sit there and not find out what’s going on.
If you’re screaming “FOUL!!” or berating the ref, it is not helping your team. The college coaches in attendance are watching the same game you are – if the refs are bad, they are watching your daughter's team (and you) to see how everyone reacts to the controversy. Your “bad ref tirades” are more often than not, going to make the situation worse for your team anyway – so just encourage your girls or say nothing. Besides that – at these showcase events, most coaches are not even paying attention to the score – they have their eye on so many different things…
The bottom line is, you are being recruited too, so use discretion. These coaches have a keen eye for the little things and if you are a problem parent at a HS or AAU game, they definitely don’t want to have to deal with YOU for 4 years!
This also goes back to Know Yourself. If you know that sitting with the opposing team’s fans is going to touch a nerve – find another place to sit. If you know that certain parents may bring unwanted attention to the section you are sitting in – say hello, share some small talk – then move.
Just to remind you again, this is an investment!
I can speak from experience on this (and I could give you example after example of how not to act). I have 2 older sons that played football. I was louder than the coach on the field. They played to please me and would get an earful after the game if they didn’t execute one of my directives from the stands. I know I missed my calling as a man/NFL Player… but being the proud mother that I am, it was up to me to make sure they performed perfect every time they stepped on the field. They represented me and needed to make me proud. I bordered on fanatic on many occasions, I recall cursing the coach, the refs, the other team – anyone that didn’t agree with me. I told you that to tell you this. Hindsight is 20/20 (Who thought of that cliché?). I did, however, learn from my performances. I am happy to say that my sons are fine. I didn’t do too much damage – they both have families and will probably do the same things to their sons – until they learn, how not to act, like I did.
I was very fortunate to have an ex-D1 college coach, coach my daughter in HS. She told me stories when she was out recruiting how she would try to locate the unruly parent and match him/her to the girl on the court, so they could cross that girl off the list. She also told me that she would get to the games early and watch after it was over to see which girls talked to their parents instead of warming up and which ones went to their parents before hearing the after the game speech. What does this mean? The recruiting starts way before tip-off and doesn’t end when you leave the gym. She also mentioned that she would pay attention to the parents that would go right to the coach as soon as the game was finished (You know, the parent that needs the immediate break-down of their daughter’s performance).
Am I telling you not to cheer? Am I telling you not to tend to your daughter? Am I telling you to not get excited when your team is on the floor? Absolutely not! If you are going to cheer – say good things “Nice shot!”, “Good Pass”. “Good Defense”– even whistle and clap when your team makes a basket. If your daughter gets injured, I’m not telling you to sit there and not find out what’s going on.
If you’re screaming “FOUL!!” or berating the ref, it is not helping your team. The college coaches in attendance are watching the same game you are – if the refs are bad, they are watching your daughter's team (and you) to see how everyone reacts to the controversy. Your “bad ref tirades” are more often than not, going to make the situation worse for your team anyway – so just encourage your girls or say nothing. Besides that – at these showcase events, most coaches are not even paying attention to the score – they have their eye on so many different things…
The bottom line is, you are being recruited too, so use discretion. These coaches have a keen eye for the little things and if you are a problem parent at a HS or AAU game, they definitely don’t want to have to deal with YOU for 4 years!
This also goes back to Know Yourself. If you know that sitting with the opposing team’s fans is going to touch a nerve – find another place to sit. If you know that certain parents may bring unwanted attention to the section you are sitting in – say hello, share some small talk – then move.
Just to remind you again, this is an investment!
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